RPG Greatest Hits – Issue 9

Well, the first thing you might be seeing is I’ve changed the name of the feature. Deciding on expanding it to include a greater variety of stories, Triumphs and Fails seemed rather restrictive so here we go, greatest hits: good, bad, funny and everything in between.But no matter what the name is, these are our stories, the ones we tell around the table to our old and new RPG friends and even to those that don’t play. These are our legends, our moments of epic triumph and failure; these are the funny moments that stopped a game short because no one could stop laughing or were too teary-eyed to continue.

As always, if you want to see your stories in a future Issue, just Contact Us and we’ll make it happen!

Traps? Pffff

System: World of Warcraft RPG

Relevant Rules: When designing traps you must decide on its trigger, be it a pressure plate, a cord or any other mechanism. Unless the characters “push” the trigger, the trap doesn’t spring. There are flight spells! Detect Magic shows the magical aura of items.

This was late in the campaign and the characters were exploring an old Night Elven ruin (the same they were exploring on Just a Light Snack!). They finally made it to the main chamber. It was a rectangular room with six wooden doors, three on each side and a massive Night Elf shaped statue on the other end. The chamber was deep underground and a couple of hundred feet high, with the statue being half as tall.

Having overcome more than a few traps along the way, the party’s scout/gunslinger had had just about enough. He told the rest of the group to hang back and went to each door and strategically opened them, making sure not to stand in front of them, thus escaping any of the traps triggered: acid clouds, death clouds, and fireballs.

Wake me up when I trigger something, ok?
Wake me up when I trigger something, ok?

At this point, I was still counting on a few traps for him to trigger and awaken a few high-level Basilisks (with petrifying stares) and other stuff but he trumped me again: Before returning to the ruin after the kitty-cat devoured a horse, the character had acquired lenses with a Detect Magic effect and Boots that cast Fly. He put them on, activated them and flew into each corridor, avoiding the magical traps, mundane floor traps, and the ones on the weapon racks and libraries at the end.

In other words, he flawlessly looted the rooms and came out with quite the prize…8 magic weapons, 5 magic armors, 4 rings, 3 medallions, 2 complete spellbooks (pretty expensive), a bundle of spell scrolls and a crap-ton of money…

And no scratch on him…


Our Fire’s bigger than yours!

System: Dungeons & Dragon 3.5

Relevant Rules: Most devils and demos are either fire resistant or immune altogether.

In this campaign and nearing endgame, with most of the party at lvl 20 already (the highest for ‘standard’ campaigns), the players had managed to reach a labyrinth in another dimension, separate from the world and holding a few secrets they needed to beat the bad guy.

The group’s Wizard had Fireball spells ready to use that dealt half Fire and half Sonic Damage, as the group was using the rules found on AEG’s infamous Mercenary Handbook.

Confident that he would obliterate everything in their path, he brazenly opened a door at the end of a corridor (the labyrinth had interconnected chambers), ran in and used a few of his spells without even checking what was inside: 3 Balors (think the Balrog from Lord of the Rings).

This x 3. It's a whole lot of badness!
This x 3. It’s a whole lot of badness!

The spells hit home but half of each was completely negated by the fire immunity and the sonic damage wasn’t enough to down even a single Balor.

With his turn done, it was the Balors’ turns and they each cast their own fire spells, which quickly decimated the Wizard, leaving less than a pile of ash on the floor.


Put your money where your mouth is!

System: Dungeons & Dragons 3.5

Relevant Rules: Characters with the Two-weapon Fighting feats gain multiple off-hand attacks, up to 3 (with 4 for your main hand at maximum level).

The players had been invited to a wedding in the game world’s equivalent of a Mosque, to the Muslim-esque deity of the land. The temple was packed with religious and political leaders and a few unsavoury characters too.

When the ceremony had almost concluded, a man kicked the doors in and interrupted it. According to the GM this was the Mercenary King, the ruler of a country where their warriors were the prime exportation good. Decked in a bulky armor and strapped with a few magical swords, the King stormed the Mosque and made quite the scene.

The priests rushed to where he was and demanded he left his weaponry outside as it was forbidden inside the temple, but the King refused and went into quite the long spiel about him being one of the deity’s Chosen Ones and as such he could carry his weapons anywhere and that besides, no one in there was powerful enough to take them from him by force.

I am ze Mercenary King!
I am ze Mercenary King!

Right then, an assassin crashed through a stain glass mural intending to kill the groom. The Mercenary King stepped up, drew his weapons and once again boasted of his “mad skillz” before attacking…and missing every attack, all 7 of them!

Outside the game world, the players were rolling on the floor laughing at the astounding failure of the GM to get even one hit in with the “Greatest Warrior Ever.”

Back inside, the fight quickly went south for the big-mouthed Merc King and one of the players had to step in to save him and the rest of the assembled crowd.

To this day, I still don’t let the GM live this down!

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I love everything readable, writeable, playable and of course, edible! I search for happiness, or Pizza, because it's pretty much the same thing! I write and ramble on The Mental Attic and broadcast on my Twitch channel, TheLawfulGeek

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